Life Will Be Divine in 2009

I made the painful review of my New Year's resolution list from last year. I am always so optimistic at the beginning of each year. Then as the months pass, old habits creep back in, chaos stirs things up and time slips away. Some tasks I accomplished and others... I didn’t. A lot of things in life are out of our control. And others, in retrospect, could have been fixed with better decisions. Some of us choose to include more variables in our daily activities, which leaves a lot more to chance. However, no matter how well any of us try to be prepared, we can never brace ourselves for some things.

Everyone has their own pattern in life. Recognizing that, I think, is vital. If you're like me, planning for things doesn't really help. The more I plan, the more resistance I seem to run into. I watch other people's lives follow their carefully laid out plans, so effortlessly. Over the past few years, some fortunate events have occurred as well as some horribly devastating ones. So with each year, I enter into it with a little more trepidation. There will be joys to come along with sorrows. Regardless of what unfolds -- as corny as it sounds -- it is important to have friends. Old friends, new friends, friends next door, friends far away or friends online.

Emily Post said: "To be courteously polite and yet keep one's walls up is a thing every thoroughbred person knows how to do. A vulgarian has no walls."

I was taught that. (Though I am no thoroughbred, more like a Midwestern mutt.) I have tried and tried to spare friends any feelings of sorrow, disappointment, confusion, anger or even despair during difficult moments in life. The pull of gravity and the ravages of time hits most of us -- some more than others. Yet when I could not see my way out of something or didn't have answers as to why something happened or didn't, I was so grateful I confided in a friend.

Emily Post also suggested to ignore hardship and to keep it to one's self. I can't do that either. Feelings boil over inside. When I push them down, they just end up being a hard darkened heavy cold lump of rock. I have hated to learn that some friends have kept certain thoughts to themselves -- feeling they shouldn't talk about an issue. I have appreciated to an unarticulated degree how friends have been there to listen. I am happy, in turn, to assist any friend in need. Sometimes friends don't have to give you a solution. They just need to lend an ear. Friends can only do so much, but the presence of a discerning and compassionate friend can mean a world of difference.

Truly, we're all on this earth together just trying to figure out our way. We should not judge or come to any quick decisions over what others have to face or how they’ve face it.

“Complaining about problems out of your control is pointless. Do not make a fuss,” Emily Post further advised. There is a difference between fussing and seeking advice. How one behaves when the chips are down is what counts. Handling people with dignity and character is what I will strive for in 2009.

So for this year, I wish each one of you the best and the brightest year. I hope the goals you’ve set are achieved and your wishes come true. I am grateful for the immense support you’ve given me and to have witnessed the support you give each other.

I have made myself a new list of resolutions for the 2009. And as of today, I still have not followed any. But no time like the present. We have the entire month of January to start them. Quick transitions are never easy...

1. Try to believe in miracles. (Maybe if I do then 2009 will be the year to see a decade long wish come true.)

2. Every time I give my naughty little Westie a hug and a kiss, I will give my husband one as well. My dog is not a child, and I should probably start to recognize that. (The probability of that will last a day. Maybe a half day.)

3. Set boundaries for myself. Respect my own work. Only one pro bono job for the year. (If I volunteer my time, it will be for an orphanage. Or an animal shelter. But no more give-away work. Which doesn’t sound very giving of me, does it.)

4. Wean myself of sleeping pills. At least, for the most part. (Just being honest here.)

5. Stop those 2 am nights and get to bed by midnight. (Which might help the need for the pill part to shut my mind off.)

6. Cook and clean more. Stop buying those Stouffer's dinners in a bag that cook in 7 minutes. (Less pro-bono jobs means more time to cook.)

7. Be more efficient. Don’t get so distracted. Get to yoga class more often. Stop the lame excuse that is too cold to get into my car to drive the measly 4 blocks away to the gym.

8. Do everything in my financial power to move to a new residence. (Which yet again means stop the pro-bono work and send them an invoice.)

9. Pay bills when they come in, don't hide them in my car or stuff them under the bed so I don’t have to see them. I know they are there, I can't trick myself, and they don’t go away.

10. And for god’s sake, get that dresser enameled the glossy midnight blue and put those saucy chrome pulls on it that I’ve been gabbing to my friends about for over a year.


Nomad in Prayer, photographer unknown, c. 1930; Andrea Mantegna, Cristo Scorto (The Dead Christ), 1490; Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio, The Conversion of Saint Paul, 1600-1601; Judy Chicago, Through the Flower, 1972-1974.