William Holman Hunt shocked his female viewers when he painted “The Awakening Conscience” in 1853. This melodrama of sin and recognition was meant to teach women a vital lesson about her role in society. Surely this gave cause for some women to be upset?A new ideal of womanhood was developing in the nineteenth-century. Spurred on by the anxiety created by the Industrial Revolution, the expanding mercantile-industrial middle class needed to establish a new identity and self-justification. The world of commerce was becoming increasingly the play ground of corporations rather than individual entrepreneurs. (Does this sound familiar today?)
The Industrial Revolution promised material and cultural success. And it was delivered with the abuse of laborers, absence of personal tax and the marginalization of women. With the increase of money came vice and debauchery -- something the revolutionaries fought so hard against to win their independence from Britain -- which began to creep in and contaminate the new world. “Luxury,” one American writer urged Thomas Jefferson in 1782 “consisted of a dull, animal enjoyment which left minds stupefied and bodies enervated by wallowing forever in one continual puddle of voluptuousness.”
Women were advised to cover up their arms and legs. And after age 16, the wrists and ankles. This image dates from 1868. (I have no idea where I got this image, have had it for years, my apologies for lack of credit.)Something had to change. Reform was needed. Instead of reorganizing and recognizing the greed of emerging capitalistic society, reform was controlled in the home. With economic changes came a new family dynamic. Men left the home to work while women stayed behind to care for the house and children. This is nothing new, this structure has worked in the past and it works for many today. However, back then a heavy burden was placed upon women to be moral guiders. This “new ideal of womanhood” created very particular attitudes about work and family. It was clearly defined and drilled into girls at a very young age. It essentially had four characteristics that any good and proper young woman should cultivate: piety, purity, domesticity, and submissiveness.
Religion or piety was considered the core of woman’s virtue. It was to be the source of her strength. Young men looking for a wife were cautioned to first look for piety; if that was there, everything else would follow. Religion was considered the divine right of women. It was a gift of god. Her piousness gave her the strength to control the naughty and vulgar world of men. Women were warned not to let their literary or intellectual pursuits take them away from religion. If so, she could risk being barren.
From Godey's Lady's Book March 1850, Philadelphia. Quiet moment between friends before THE wedding night.Purity was the essential piety to a young woman. Without it she was considered unnatural, unfeminine or worse no woman at all. She was considered a ‘fallen woman’. The marriage night was to be the single greatest event of a woman’s life. It was then when she “bestowed her greatest ‘treasure’ upon her husband”.

Mrs. John Farrar (Eliza was her name) wrote in a manual The Young Lady’s Friend lending advice how to avoid trouble: “Sit not with another in a place that is too narrow; read not out of the same book; let your eagerness to see anything induce you to place your head close to another person’s.” It was a huge success in America with reprints well into the 1890s.
Were women really buying into this?
“The Old, Old Story Was Told again at 3 O’Clock in the Morning” chromolithograph (although this version in b/w) unknown printer, c. 1870.I was walking Billy one warm summer night. A cab came to a screeching halt and out poured three young girls from the car door, falling over one another into the street. They were also falling out of their dresses and shrieking in drunken obnoxious laughter. One girl couldn’t find her 4” high-heel shoe and another was uncertain if this was even the street where she lived. In the darkness, a sneer of disapproval came over my face followed by a cold shudder. I thought – wow - my friends and I certainly dressed differently at that age. And then a cold clammy sweat began to seep from my pores in horror knowing years ago I had untamed nights like that. I felt a little ill, but why? Would I have not blinked an eye if this was a taxi full of three young males? What if these were older men? Would that be any less appropriate? Was I judging these girls because they were girls? Haven’t we come a long way?
One girl could not get her key into the door and began doubting that she lived in the house. So she decided to take a nap in the front yard. The other two girls were laughing and dancing in the street. The cab driver, concerned, got out of his car and came up to me. He said: “Is this how young girls behave in your country?”
Smart or safe are not two words that came to my mind to describe this behavior. But I am certainly glad to be a woman living in this country. Although his comment did make me wonder: has conventional gendering behavior not changed that much? Today, how many husbands sit at home anxiously taping their foot as they await their drunken wives to teeter-totter home giggling at 3 O’clock in the morning? Women seem to just get annoyed when husbands come home from a late night out drinking -- they hog the bed, they smell and they miss the toilet. But men seem to fear when women behave this way. As if they will sully their reputation or run off you a much younger man... Double standard still prevails.
20 comments:
Reputation, reputation, reputation.
At one point that is all a woman had was her reputation.
I recently saw wedding photos of a bride in a strapless white dress with her breasts spilling out of the top. I immediately thought--why would she buy that dress other than to expose her bosoms? I was her wedding dress Did I pass judgement? Yes
If I had seen those girls loud and drunk, I would have thought -- reputation, reputation, reputation.
More biology here than meets the eye, me thinks. That and that pesky double standard which I fear is more biology than I ever thought possible...or that I even thought. I am glad for so many things in this scenario: stupid drunk girls did make it home safely; slightly older woman with adorable dog make it home safely; I, much older than all, am glad that I no longer care what people care about me and have husband who loves me the way I am.
Virgina, but you wouldn't have thought the same if they were guys. You probably would have thought they were just loud and obnoxious and that is what young drunken guys do. I didn't like that I had that reaction -- it was judgmental and I bought into the double standard. One the one hand women should be able to adequately enjoy being thoroughly sloshed; however, on the other, I worried on so many levels. I watched the scene like an ugly 20 car pile-up on a highway.
Home comforting to know you're loved just the perfect, wise way you are.
And true, biology does play into things. (I would rent a house/apartment to women any day over young men.)
But still the double standard: women can be as pickled and loud as they like at home, but if out in a public place -- even a bar -- there is a double standard. Women get buzzed too. We're just expected to restrain ourselves.
However, the young girls behavior was nothing compared to the other night walking Billy and having a drunk guy nearly pee on me from his window.
Really, I live in a nice neighborhood. The weather has been fantastic and Home you know how the youngins get when college football games are on. I do not miss those days...
Oh the double standards and yes they still exist!
It is indeed all about restraint. Harder for some to achieve. I prefer restraint, but sometimes a night out,
with lack of restraint can inspire the soul and hopefully "lift" up fallen women from moments of tragedy. (or embarrassment)
pve
Karena -- so true. so true...
PVE, extremely good point. Lack of restraint can, at times, be so cathartic. However, always good to have close friend nearby to either lend a shoulder to lean on or just get you out of a possible sticky situation.
I love the new header art! xo
Thanks my dear friend Katie! You know in reality Billy would be taking a swan dive into the pile of leaves doing everything he can to mess it up...
I don't think I explained my biology comment about women policing women. (Which i utterly detest). From what I have read, it's really about women not letting women get out of the "pack" in order to keep the pool of woman who can reproduce as large as possible. So much of our behavior seems to be nature's hell bent way on perpetuating the species. We don't dwell on that much these days! Games days here are hideous. Glad I don't live near campus where one's landscaping is always at risk for alcohol poisoning. The only cure for stupid is not perfect. Some grow out of it. Some don't live long enough to grow out of it. And some never do. Hope the wild incident didn't upset the young Billy!
Home, it is a weird thing. Like a pyramid scheme. If you're not part of it, then you're pitied. Though I believe, at times, secretly envied. Much better to support. Much, much better...
Billy did survive the incident. Funny, he cannot STAND loud, obnoxious young men with too much testosterone. He will confront them on a walk and block them scratching his little paw like an angry bull ready to fight. He makes these young guys in their fancy jeans walk off the sidewalk and onto the grass to get around him.
Good for Billy.... spunky little monkey! I love how your post rattles us on so many levels... I am flip flopping. I think there is a time of our lives when we throw caution to the wind and think that we are invincible and in reflection are a in shock at some of our own antics... however for me... I thank god that I survived them... wouldn't change a thing about them and every now and then miss them... usually when I imagine them to be much better than they really were.
Even though I consider myself very broad minded, there are reality checks that I have to perform from time to time and adjustments that come from them. Thank you for making us ponder acceptance and hopefully the double standard will become less and less for generations to come.
Soodie, do you think age has anything to do with it? Here's why I ask:
Lots of gay boys in my building, all of us in the mid-30s to mid-40s. We've all seen each other after a few too many.
Then there is the med student renter down the hall. He's 24, as are most of his friends.
When my same-age'ish neighbors come home half lit it doesn't bug me at all. When the renter and his crew do, loud and leaving a trail of cups and cans and a cloud of cologne that hangs in the elevator....makes me crazy.
Chloe, yes, I too, think we might remember those wild evenings of youth a tad rosier than they really were. However, I do miss the ability in youth to bounce back so quickly, to run off and sweat out a hangover, and no matter how late I was out the night before slurping down some disgusting shot, my skin still retained that dewy youthful glow the following morning. What is that saying? Youth is wasted on the young?
David, with out a doubt I believe age plays an enormous part. I went to a going away party last night for some good friends who are moving. Drinks were being poured nonstop, people clearly affected, and yet no one was screeching in a high-pitched voice, falling down and leaving beer bottles up and down the street as many of my 20-something neighbors do. However, what hasn't changed is the need for greasy food, an extra large diet coke and four aspirin the next morning no matter how old you are... (that's me this morning. ouch...)
Ah, the restorative power of grease. Amen to that.
I love the "Young Ladies Manual for Young Females" and 1850's women's illustration showing their piety. Another great posting.
David, true, it does help. But really, just getting the day over with and starting a new day is better.
Liz, a far cry from the Judy Blume books to teach us the ways of the world we grew up with...
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